my thoughts

It has been 2 weeks since the babies were brought into our world, and it has been the most emotional, stressful, exhausting, joyous, unbelievable, etc. time we have ever been through. Half the time I haven't slowed down enough to really soak up what has happened. It is strange that I carried these babies for so long and then to have them be out of my belly and gone. I am starting to feel weird not having them with me and apart of our home lives.

The most difficult thing has been that fact that I am not the one taking care of them. I feel like a helper. I don't get to be the one who soothes them constantly,  change every diaper, feed them, play with them, put them to sleep and just HOLD them whenever I want. They are in such good hands and need the care they are given, but it is hard not being their mother every minute of the day. There is definitely a void and I feel it more and more as time passes.

What keeps me sane, my husband, my parents, my sister, my brother and his new wife and her family, my friends and my ward. Eric and I have been hit with some of the hardest things we have ever dealt with. And as we go through it all, we have been SO blessed. Most importantly, blessed with the amazingly strong babies we have. I can't express how much gratitude we feel for all the help we have received and have been offered. Eric and I have never been on the end of so much service. And what we've learned...pay it forward, and accept the help. We, especially I, have never been one to ask for help. I am very independent and will take on many things on my own. I keep getting told by my dad, and my friend Kylee, to just take the help. I am learning to just accept the help people offer and it really has been what we've needed. And through all of this, we constantly talk about how we can't wait to be on the other end and give back. That has been the biggest thing we have learned.

My emotions are out of control and yes things are hard( our family car just broke down on Sunday), but I can't stop thinking about what is going so right for us. The health of the babies. Through everything , the most important things are taken care of. Our family. The nurses at the NICU say babies of their weight usually have all kinds of complications. And with Mac and Lily....nothing. We have had to worry about NOTHING. I am so pleased and so overwhelmed, and SO thankful.

I can't wait for the day they come home and we can be a family. That will definitely start a whole new round of stress, but it will be welcomed.

 Mac

 Lily

 G.Pa Jim and G.Ma Kris....wouldn't be able to half the things we need to without them.

tay and ryan keeping themselves entertained with boxes...they have been such troopers through all this